fucking bloody hell.

Basically, everything is just "peachy." this is sarcasm.

but before I pull you down into my dark dank pit of depression, let me show you the good things. I'm going to a great school, with great friends. I have a great family, even though Joe can be, well, Joe, and I am not abused or anything of the like.

Maya came over for a last minute sleepover literally. It was 10 minutes b4 my parents left. so it was fun. For a while we tramped though a stream that was really muddy, but clay mud, and it was fun. Then we went in the hot tub, watched a movie, and went to bed, eating waffles in the morning. Maya helped me feel loads better. I <3 Maya.

I edited my blogspot to look more cheery. And Bubbly. So basically, I'm growing out of my Fantasy stage. Yes I'm still the same person, yes I still read fantasy and fiction books, yes I still have my morbid, cynical, dark, kiniving, miscevious, and much more streak, but at least I won't depress YOU as much. Arn't you proud of me Josh?

Now if you don't want to be dragged into my depressing pit, do not read the rest of this post. Actually, I would advise you not to read the rest, for I'm venting. and well, I don't necessarily want you to hear this.

Uncle Tommer died. He was a close friend of the family. I hardly new him. He lost his father a little while ago, and he has been bad since. He was one of the best men on earth, he thought of everyone else before himself, he was gentle, and when he got mad he never yelled. He committed suicide. He had written out a will stating everything he wanted to give away with specific meanings down to the last vase. He was supposed to be evicted a few days later, so he figured someone would find him. he put a note on the bathroom door basically saying that "I killed myself, don't come in here, just call the police." He first tried to hang himself, but the rope broke, so then he drank cleaning fluid. I also miss Uncle Ed who previously died of cancer, because I wanted to know him better, and I didn't get a chance to. My grandpa wasn't supposed to live this long (he also has cancer) but now hes having a bad response to Kemo, and It seems we might go out to Wisconsin on the weekend after Memorial day to see him, just in case. Also mom's friend Spencer was just diagnosed with a cancer that is rare, and without any hope of survival called pancreatic cancer. But Joe doesn't want to let her go down to see him, because he thinks that shes cheating on him. Which she is not. He doesn't trust her, and isn't there for her right now when she needs him. Tom was here best friend. and while she cries, he just stands there. And she can't even go to Tom's funeral, becasue her biggest work function is going on right now, and she can't get out of it without it costing her job. I CAN'T DO THIS ANYMORE. I may delete this later. I just am, sobbing. YES I'M CRYING. and I don't know what to do... And the play is foreboding, and my Tequila Mocking Bird flew out of my cubby so I can't do the reading this weekend, but what else is new? Also I'm scared to death that I'm going to forget my lines for little abner, even though I know them like the back of my hand, but thats the least of my problems. damn I need a hug. Anybody have a cyber tissue?