Fie on Die, and Di is Nigh

Di and I went to the baseball game, and sortof watched, teehee, more of danced and occasionally looked at the scoreboard, and discovered that I'm a slut and that Diana loves it, and then wnet back to her house and watched The Messengers, a scary movie, which diana wasn't scared of and I decided to get caught up in and make fun of while screaming into my pillow cause it helped to get rid of some of the stress. Being scared. It feelt good.

Diana couldn't have invited me over at a better time. I'm mad at god right now. Major. I mean, how many people can become sick or get cancer in my family? My prayers are going to become 30 minutes long at this rate. No joke. WHat happened to our guardian angels? is he on leave for the big problems, and just there for the little ones? I don't get it one little bit. Grandma sue has fallen to the shadow. She has collen cancer, and has a surgury on wendsday. At least grandpa's still here, and getting better. sortof. So now you understand why I've been so hyper at school. To hide whats really going on. and also, my family, just doesn't get me. I need to see dad, or someone who can understand me, and not just assume I'm a teenager prima with an attitude and lip just to get attention and who only cares about heself and material goods, who is also a "bitch". It's what a certain someone, or two someones think. I'm not that way, am I? Have I really turned for the worst, and if I have, why? What The Fuck is going on with me? I'm lost in translation, with a porclain mask still covering my face, and I cna't break that mask, specially since eveyrone seems to be holding it on, because it's the face they'rve known for thre years, and they don't konw there is another face under the porclain face. Can you guys help me? I'm cracking, and falling apart, and I can't do this alone anymore, though I wish I could. Why should you be burdened with a messed up bitch who should probably be in a shrink house?

~ forever and always...

-where or where has god gone-
Another one has fallen
under the spell of the curse
Only one has fallen victim
it could have been worse
But more and more besides those close
have been devoured by the shadow if not killed
but now all this curse creates is woes
for this beast can not be willed

for this curse has no cure
and it has stared taking
everyone I hold dear
under it's wing.
Whom will it take next?
whose death bed will it loom over?

where, have the guardian angels gone?